When the Worlds Collide
#12 - Connecting the Pieces or not?
Imagine a world where your different social circles collide, dissolving the boundaries between your tribes into a chaotic blend of personalities, interests, and stories. It's like witnessing a sitcom unfold before your eyes—an unforgettable episode of Seinfeld where George Costanza's dating self clashes with his independent self, resulting in a comedic clash of worlds!
I have a strong sense of the boundaries that govern our lives. These intangible boundaries greatly influence how we interact with others. Personally, I value my personal space and the need to maintain control over it. Sometimes, I can be blunt and even outright rude when these boundaries are crossed. However, I understand the importance of respecting others' boundaries, there I'm still a work in progress.
In that memorable episode of Seinfeld, George Costanza expresses his fear to Jerry Seinfeld about his dating self and independent self meeting or his different worlds colliding. This fear arises when Elaine invites George's girlfriend, Susan, to hang out with their group of friends, blending his dating life with his social circle. He isn't entirely wrong!
"Jerry, this is my nightmare scenario! My worlds are colliding! If Relationship George walks through that door, he will kill Independent George! A George, divided against itself, cannot stand!" - George Costanza
I have always used this episode as a reference to support my belief in having different boundaries for different groups in my life. For instance, my college friends have little knowledge of my school friends or the embarrassing stories from my school days, and vice versa. I intentionally keep these groups separate, avoiding any overlap. The same goes for my old Tea-Coffee-Sutta group from the Orkut era, filled with fellow Calvin and Hobbes fans, and my other internet tribes like my Bangalore Instagram community. We communicate and stay in touch, but we never delve into discussions or invite people from one group into the sacred space of another. I have so many of these distinct groups that I often lose count.
I am fully aware that this theory may seem like nonsense. I might be exaggerating and indulging in my own obnoxious tendencies. But hey, it's my life, and I make the rules.
I have cultivated a diverse array of connections, each serving a distinct purpose in my life. I have different sets of people/tribes I go to for different problems, discussions, suggestions, etc. This concept of having distinct tribes for different aspects of our lives is something I strongly believe in. For instance, when the latest cricket match leaves me pondering over strategic decisions or the underperformance of a particular player or team, I have a dedicated group of cricket enthusiasts who eagerly dissect every aspect of the game with me. My dedicated EPL groups serve as an emotional rollercoaster ride. We engage in fiery debates over controversial referee decisions, accusing rival teams of foul play, and passionately celebrating our team's hard-fought victories. When our team faces a defeat, we come together to dissect the performance, analyzing shortcomings and sharing our frustrations and memes, hoping for a better outcome in the next match. On the other hand, I have friends who embrace my creative side, engaging in conversations about writing and sharing book recommendations. I know exactly who to turn to for an immediate book recommendation. It's like having my own network of people who can get things done, just like in 'The Godfather'. Additionally, I have formed deep bonds with my colleagues, starting as co-workers and evolving into genuine friendships. As I have grown and evolved, so have these groups, allowing me to explore different facets of my life and connect with others who share similar interests and passions.
I fiercely contest when these groups collide, for it risks diluting their individual essence and jeopardizing the very existence of our tribes. Some things have universal appeal, like favorite shows or favorite teams, but when both combine, it's just meh! One tribe or interest will inevitably overshadow the other, causing the once-thriving dynamics to fizzle out. It's like avoiding a collision of planets in the vast universe of relationships. By minimizing the overlap, I preserve the distinct flavors and dynamics of each tribe, allowing them to thrive independently and avoiding the monotony that can arise. To put it in George's terms, "Worlds collide to form a boring tribe."
People are inherently diverse, with distinct interests and motives that shape their identities. Not everyone shares the same level of enthusiasm for our particular interests, but within each individual, there is always something intriguing—a unique quality or trait that captures attention. It is through recognizing and appreciating these individual differences that we form our tribes.
Even those closest to us, such as our spouses and best friends, may not know every single detail about us, and that is perfectly normal. It's impossible for anyone to know everything about another person. There are aspects of ourselves that may go unnoticed or unexplored, simply because they are not deemed significant, interesting, or relevant to the dynamics of the relationship. Some things may be kept as secrets, not out of deceit, but because they are personal and vulnerable. We may fear judgment or harsh criticism, and that's understandable. It is a natural instinct to preserve our innermost thoughts and experiences, safeguarding our emotional well-being.
Me, I'm like a scattered 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle, discovering surprising pieces within myself. Unexpected interests and connections unlock hidden passions. From new kinks to shared worldviews, encountering others reveals unseen facets. Embracing this ongoing self-discovery is a constant source of wonder.
As you grow, you gain control over your hobbies, interests, and tribes. You find where certain pieces fit—like a friend for specific memes or someone who knows the juicy gossip. Your close friends, exes, family, and even that irritating friend all hold fragments of you. For instance, I was never a "poem" person. The only poems I had ever encountered were those forced upon me in school. However, I met someone who suggested some exceptional poems that piqued my interest, revealing a new piece of myself. In another instance, someone challenged my preconceived notions about taboo subjects, showing me that they were not as black and white as they seemed. And, some pieces of your identity remain lost in time, particularly within old relationships and with exes, where bittersweet memories linger.
Will I ever be able to complete the puzzle that is me, or is it a task reserved for someone else?
I often ponder what people will remember and say about me when I'm gone. Will my cricket tribe envy my football tribe? Will my friends uncover hidden depths they never knew existed? Will my ex wonder who my spouse is talking about? Perhaps my meme-sharing friend will realize we could have connected on another shared interest. The awareness that different perspectives paint diverse portraits of the same person leaves me both curious and introspective.
Avinash.
Giddy up!
"The Pool Guy" is the 118th episode of NBC sitcom Seinfeld which has the famous World’s are colliding scene.
Essential read - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy